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My Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen, and Australians! The swing doors to the Dayglo are swinging once again! And tonight, by popular demand, direct from the Rapa, our own Phil O'Brien -- "Whispering Phil" to you; New Zealand's answer to -- well, pretty much any question you might want to ask. A star of almost every radio station in New Zealand over the years, (at some he lasted but a week), he has been described as a "veteran DJ" -- we prefer "vintage." This after a distinguished career in a number of bands best forgotten, as a drummer. As a drummer it is believed he was known as having more, well, enthusiasm than anything else.

But you know him best from the sensationally brilliant Matinee Idle, on the National Programme over the summer, afternoons, and now by courtesy of The Wonderful Interweb, simultaneously around the planet. Phil and his offsider Simon Morris have been thus causing a worldwide plummet, a veritable crash, in popular taste and standards in general. Moral Rearmament -- where are you when the world need you?

Phil lives in the Wairarapa, next door to comedian and comedy filmmaker Vincent Ward. They are locked in a deadly dispute over whose over-proof homebrew beer is best, and who buggered the ride-on mower they bought together. Phil lives there with his secret live-in lover, Olivia Newton-John. We at HQ are prepared to disclose the address to Who Magazine or somesuch for a very large donation to our Nigerian bank account. So here he is, the man himself, a living national radio treasure -- bounding up to the Dayglo stage, strobing under our brand new Ukrainian lighting system ("Our Citizen's Safety is our First Concern")...clutching his original 45's, larger than life, ladies stand back please, our owm one-and-only, the great....PHIL O"BRIEN!!!