Blog

Reports in that the Proprietor has completed his fourth film for this year and without pausing for breath is plunging directly into his fifth. Playing a dog this time. To the manor…etc.

Richard reports a frosty spring with the lowest temperature recorded at Redbank at - 3.5. However our frost fighting has been top notch, and very little loss if any. Bravo.

The Proprietor, unusually quiet, has apparently simultaneously attended the Rugby World Cup in France while shooting Skin in South Africa (with Sophie Okonedo, Alice Krige, and Tony Kgoroge).         

The old chancer sends back the following advice:

How to survive – and even enjoy – a World Cup

• Never, under any circumstances, fly British Airways. This once great airline has slid into terminal decline, and now sadly employs some who have forgotten how to spell, let alone recognize, the word “service”. If you have no choice but to fly B.A., do not be surprised if they leave you stranded at Heathrow (a hellhole) for 24 hours without so much as an apology. It will be your fault.
• Try to avoid supporting a side that actually likes to play rugby. If your national side likes to play open, exciting rugby, sadly they will be unlikely to make it beyond the quarterfinals. If, however, your national side (think England) prefers brutish, dull and mind-numbingly 10 man rugby then you’re in with a good chance.
• Avoid the World Cup altogether if you love Rugby. Unfortunately, what should be a showcase to the world of the world’s greatest sport, has become, rather like its soccer counterpart, a charade of crude tackling, meaningless kicking and defence at any cost. Possession has become a dirty world. This is sad, retrograde and for the spectator about as much fun as Disneyworld without the rides. Let us hope this is not the Death of Rugby!
• Find solace in good companionship, food, wine and laughter. France was a particularly good venue in this respect, and New Zealand will undoubtedly be a similar experience.
• Thanks here to P Hall, Tommy Evers-Swindell, Chris McVeigh, George and Erika Gregan and many others who are able to take defeat with a sporting heart and look forward with optimism. But also much gratitude for the hospitality and generosity of Moet and Chandon (for an unforgettable night at their splendid chateau), chateaux Pommard, La Roche, Meursault, and Louis Latour. When one gets to drink wines of such calibre – who needs crap rugby!
• Get yourself elected to the I.R.B. Change the rules. For example – reduce the drop goal to one point; work on the rucking rules etc. Free up the game, and encourage that seemingly old-fashioned concept – the try.
• For scrapes, insect bites, headaches, general malaise, minor burns – carry a bottle of Two Paddocks Lavender Essential Oil. Works a treat.
• Take the train. The world can learn much from French trains.
• Try and remember – it’s only a game! Oh well…. Okay… that’s too hard. Forget it.
• Avoid British Airways.
• Book ahead for New Zealand. It can only be better than the last. And you will find Two Paddocks at most good restaurants – reason enough.
• Congratulate the Springboks. Their great achievement this year was to choke “Swing Low.” (Note to England supporters – American spirituals are best left to those across the pond. You just can’t sing.)

We reprint the following missive from our resident adventurer, Brian Croot – truck pilot:

Hello Sam,

Mavoura and I thoroughly enjoyed the truck rally in Invercargill at Labor Weekend, and we would like to thank you for letting us take you Chev. The rally was a wonderful tribute to Bill Richardson and a fitting memorial. There were 240 trucks entered, with many from the North Island as far as Hamilton, Rotorua. Most of these came in a  convoy through Nelson and the west Coast to Invercargill. 40 Truck enthusiasts from Australia also attended, making the numbers at the Sunday evening dinner over 400! Tim Shadbolt was the guest speaker and gave his usual promotion of Southland with much hilarity.

The extension to the truck museum was opened on Friday evening with drinks and supper and a tour of the museum. On Saturday we assembled at Southern Transport yard and set off on a tour of Southland, had a bbq lunch at Thornbury Vintage Machinery Museum then out to Oreti Park near Oreti Beach where all the trucks were parked in groups by make, and photographed. On Sunday morning all the trucks were parked on the three street’s which surround the museum and photos were taken from a very high crane. At 1pm the street parade began and the 240 trucks were joined by modern counterparts to make a 316 truck spectacle, and the dinner at Ascot Park Hotel brought the weekend to a close.

Two Paddocks was the only 1947 Chevrolet at the rally and we received many admiring and congratulatory comments about the appearance and standard of restoration. The Chev performed impeccably to and from Invercargill and throughout the rally.

Brian

Bill Richardson Truck Museum, 39 Inglewood Rd, Invercargill

Arguably, the largest private collection of its type in the world. Vehicles ranging from 1911 to 2003, there are over 170 trucks representing some 50 manufacturers.

Museum open by appointment.

At Coronet Peak, our team have again prevailed for the second year in a row.

Management are quick to deny the obvious inference the Two Paddocks Pinot Noir is performance enhancing. We are infact assiduous in ensuring that our wine is only taken AFTER the race. Congratulations again.

(Note: there are those who insist, however that Two Paddocks can be performance enhancing in the worlds of poetry, philosophy, camaraderie and romance. In moderation.) We refrain from comment.

The Proprietor has left the office for some personal research into T.P. availability in London.

Results so far: The Ivy: Has T.P. in stock but it is not on the winelist. You have to ask nicely, and wink at the same time; and if you do both a bottle will appear. Well worth the effort.

Providores: still out of stock ... make a fuss.

Haynes Hanson and Clark: In stock. Staff as charming as ever. Could even let you have a case if you charm them back! Please note:- THEY HAVE MOVED:

7 Elystan St Chelsea S.W.3 0207 584 7927

Research continues…

For David Attenborough enthusiasts we present a series of revealing photographs entitled “THE SECRET LIFE OF THE POTBELLY PIG”.

Here Boris and Peggy, two Otago-reared pot belly pigs (Porcis Gourmandieus), conduct the age-old rituals that their species enjoy in order to guarantee the survival of their kind. We thank Richard Flatman, wildlife photographer, for his candid and close-up work.

Here Boris, smooth lothario from next door, uses good old fashioned charm, and the odd well-worn pick up line on the winsome Peggy.

Boris’ charm is clearly working — Peggy, now very blonde and giggly — demonstrates both receptivity and affection. Boris knows he’s onto something here

Boris, no stranger to the World of Love, carefully checks that he was not chatting up the wrong end of his amour. Yes — no mistake there!

Boris scores! (Here we must draw a veil. The actual act of piggy coitus is not for the faint hearted, and we deplore graphic and disturbing images on the net).

Our thanks to Peter Hunt, photographer, for this snap of the Proprietor with a little of our much cherished COMPOST. This year our considerable tonnage (500 tonne!) was made to a recipe which includes tree trimmings, sheep poo, seaweed, grass mowing and much other goodness. Almost good enough to eat!

Certainly, good enough for our vines and our soil.

Bragato Conference debunks "food miles"

Mark has taken the Hawaiian shirts out of  mothballs again and made a dramatic and colourful appearance at this year’s Bragato Conference in Auckland. This year the main theme was “Treading Lightly – Our Sustainable Footprint”.

More information on this can be googled, but of great interest to all of us at H.Q. is the research that unequivocally denounces the spurious argument around “food miles” for products sold into the UK and E.U. In fact it seems most NZ produce is of a considerably lesser carbon footprint than those produced in the UK for example.

In the meantime, the Hawaiian shirts are back in storage.

Let the record state: both Bill the Goat and the Proprietor are BIG Will Ferrell fans. In fact this is the thing that bonds them more than anything.

Now that the thaw is on, both Goat and Proprietor have worked up a routine in tribute to the sublime “Blades of Glory” (they also like John Heder — Goat does an excellent Napoleon Dynamite imitation).

Photo shows routine in mid flight. Like “Blades”, this involves tremendous athleticism, gorgeous choreography, and much masculine head butting. Occasionally this leaves the Proprietor unconscious for extended periods – a minor inconvenience in the cause of art.

Mark announces today the balloon will go up August 1st for the release of our top tier First Paddock Pinot Noir 2006. This release, it has to be said, has been sneakily pre-empted by one or two insider Oenophiles, who have proclaimed it probably the greatest pinot we have produced to date.

Try for yourselves, but readers of this blog might be well advised to secure their own supply early because demand will almost certainly resemble a stampede à la Pamplona. Do not get trampled in the rush.

The other bottle pictured is our Two Paddocks Pinot Noir 2006. There are those among us who consider it marginally better than the First Paddock, but this is controversial. No blows or dustups to date although this is always possible. Release is early next year.

The third tier of course, is our legendary Picnic Pinot Noir 2006 (not pictured). The Proprietor and his friend Brian Brown (the thespian, not the sheep) got larruped on this in Arrowtown this week, to the satisfaction of all. Well, to the satisfaction of themselves — other patrons, family and restaurateurs alike — faintly appalled.