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Sheep Catastrophe (Holiday Baahchinal)

A long story; here abbreviated.

The Proprietor was awoken from his (early) bed by unnamed irate neighbour this week. Accusations down the phone – two sheep, allegedly our beauteous South Suffolks, eating neighbour’s garden.

Curmudgeonly proprietor refuses to take action – outside dark and unpleasant. In the morning Proprietor VINDICATED – not only were they not his sheep, they were on the way to visit the Suffolks from another property. Here however the Proprietor FOOLED. These two manky looking sheep appeared to be under nourished and starved of company, so Proprietor turned a benevolent blind eye to their availing themselves of his pasture.

Here the big mistake – foolish Proprietor neglected to check their rear ends for two days, and finally having done so the awful truth emerged. They were RAMS. Scruffy, rough trade, ill-bred, sex starved rams. The implications are too awful to contemplate. The facts of sheep life include this – one ram (the most prolific male animal on earth) can cover up to 80 ewes in one day. Therefore 35 of our well bred girls present no problem for two rams on the loose and on the make.

Staff reluctant naturally to break the news to Mel Gibbston and Jimmy Baahns, our new rams, who are awaiting the girls to return from their annual holidays in Queenstown. The boys, sad to relate, are about as much use now as the spare proverbial at a cousin’s wedding.

Holidays are one thing – but this year it’s been more like Club Med in the Seventies. Free love may be all well and good, but times have changed, and it is not to be countenanced in the back paddock.

Proprietor APOPLECTIC!

On the left, Jimmy and Mel. On the right, manky Lotharios.

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TWO PADDOCKS LTD.
PO Box 506
Alexandra 9340
Central Otago
New Zealand

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Sale of Liquor License Ref: OF129
Licence No. 67/OFF/30/2022
Expires 24th August 2025

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