Movember Results

Shock Decisions

Yes, great relief floods the Paddocks, as the grisly business of Movember is at last over. The moustaches are gone, and life returns to normal.

Judging took place in the first week of December, and proved more straightforward than expected. Of course before all competition began, all contestants were put alongside the sheer luxurious magnificence of the Prop’s Mo (a non-entrant due to an early start), and, rather unfairly, were all of course rather overshadowed. Jenny and Lisa were appointed judges, with Jacqui as adjudicator. The finest ethical standards were observed at all times, and no correspondence will be entered into etc. The judges’ decision should be considered final. For now. Contestants were judged on length, fulsomeness and aesthetic qualities. [ 1056 ]

The contestants attempts could be fairly described as follows:

• Simon -- Good try, but disqualified himself by shaving absentmindedly before judging. Idiot.
• Tom -- New boy. Ineligible.
• Keith -- Non-starter. Hopeless.
• Mike -- Startling visual gag of a mo, with clearly ironic Hells Angels/Ho Chi Minh references. Should have lost mega points in the aesthetics area.
• Tim -- Good all rounder.
• The Prop -- Non-combatant, but clearly the gold standard.

In a surprise decision, and gasps were heard from the crowd, the nod went to Mike’s Mo.

Shock waves were felt around the vineyards, and rumours included money having changed hands, brown paper bags sighted at smoko and so on.

John Key, PM, in conjunction with David Cameron PM (UK) has announced a Parliamentary Inquiry. This will, as always, settle nothing, but Something will have been Seen to have been Done.

In the sprit of sportsmanship, for which our country is so justly renowned, the Loser (Tim) shook hands with the Winner (Mike).

Two Paddocks has made a monetary contribution to fighting Prostate Cancer on behalf of the winner.