E-mail, Proprietor Style

Questions have been asked about the Proprietor’s tardiness in repling to e-mails by some of those who have direct access. We should explain that he is both isolated and technophobic.

Here’s how it works. You e-mail him, his assistant downloads your message and faxes it to a distant number; from that fax a native on a bicycle rides day and night to an outlying telegraph post; who then send a telegram to a large but capable women with a canoe who braves rapids and cannibals to a distant tribe who sends smoke signals across the alps, where nuns in a dusty convent transcribe your words onto virgin vellum which is passed through the gates to an old monk who is carried on a Jerusalem donkey to a high and obscure cave where the proprietor, working hard on the search for the perfect Pinot, puts down his glass thoughtfully and reads your message. A moment or two for thought, and then in a brusque and business-like manner he replies. The reply process works in reverse, and, in all one can expect to hear from him in about 7 ½ weeks. Not bad eh? If faster replies are absolutely necessary, we suggest E.S.P. Saves a lot of labour.